Why him?
by karimebane
Summary: Jace breaks up with Clary. Clary is heart broken but gets over it after time. She trains and becomes a trained shadowhunter, a good one. 2 years after CoLS Jonathan is back for her. He takes Clary with him. He wants her to love him. But he doesn't knows Clary's secret. What is she hiding? Rated M
1. Chapter 1

**Hello lovelies! It's me again, writing another story. But this one is different from my others. This is a Sebastian/Jonathan X Clary fanfiction. I'm experimenting. A friend, you could say, begged me to read more fanficts of this paring. I found some interesting ones that I did like. This is not my favorite paring because I hate Jonathan. But my head immediately made up a story and a plot. And my head keeps telling me to write it.**

**That little voice is like 'write it.'**

**Me: no**

**Voice: come ooon! You know you want to.**

**Me: fine**

**Voice: *cheers,claps,dances,jumps-up-n-down***

**Me:*rollmyeyes***

**Summary– this takes place two years after CoLS. Jace broke up with Clary three months after the epilogue of CoLS, after the note from Jonathan: 'I'm coming'. Clary blocks herself out. Jace gets a girlfriend. Clary comes out and goes training at the institute, like nothing happened. She shows no emotions towards Jace. Time passes(2 years total). Jonathan comes back for her. He wants her to love him but he doesn't know her secret.**

**AN: Clary has more curves. She has a 'sexy' body. She's like 18 now. Jonathan is like 20. Clary will be using 'Angel' or 'By the angel' because she has been hanging out with the Lightwoods a lot and training and all that stuff.**

**City of Heavenly Fire tomorrow!**

**I do not own TMI or the characters, they are all Cassandra's.**

**Chapter 1**

**CPOV**

I should hate him. I know I should. I hate myself for not hating him. I should feel disgust and hate, but I don't. He has me against my will, away from the people I love. Away from Mom, Luke, Simon, Isabelle, Magnus, and Alec. I'm not worried about them, they are okay, I know that. But I miss them. I miss watching mum and Luke happy. I miss talking and hanging out with Simon. I miss hanging out and training with Isabelle and Alec. I miss Magnus joking around and allying with Isabelle to dress me up. And it has only been a week.

Its been a week since Jonathan kidnapped me.

It was two years ago that he left that note at the institute. I had nightmares of Jonathan trying to kill me at my loved ones. I hated him. But then the nightmares weren't nightmares anymore. Nightmares are when its something bad, when you don't want that to happen, but I did. I had dreams. Dreams where Jonathan would come for me and I was happy that he did. I stopped hating him.

That happened when I stopped loving Jace. Jace never loved me, he said he did. He said he did loved me once but then it stopped. He said he was sorry but he didn't love me anymore. I asked if it was because I hadn't had sex with him but he said it wasn't that. He broke my heart. He broke up with me three months after the note. I cried for two months. Isabelle and simon tried to cheer me up but it didn't work at first. One day I got tired. I went to the institute, dressed in a gear, went to the training room and asked Isabelle to train me. I showed no emotions towards Jace. I stopped loving him. I trained every day, worked up at five in the morning for a run every day. I became a shadowhunter, a trained one. Things changed, I got over Jace for good. We are not friends but I don't care. He found a new love a month after our break up after all.

After a year from the 'note' they started putting their guard down. There was no sign of Jonathan, no attack, there was nothing. I kept training, Alec is a hell of a good teacher. We became friends, we joked around, I love him as much as i love Magnus. Isabelle and Simon started dating, I was happy for them. And then it was when the nightmares stopped, they became dreams.

It was weird. I would find myself thinking about him. Where is him? Is he ever coming back? What is he planning? Those where the questions I asked myself everyday. I wanted to see him, I didn't knew why. I wanted to know if he was okay. And then after that dream I_ knew._ In the dream Jonathan was back for me and I had run towards him, hugged him, kissed him, then I knew. The months passed and I felt the same way.

Mom told me I would fall in love again. But _Why him?_

That didn't keep me from fighting though. I fought him.

Luke and mom were in the Clave meeting I was going home, it was dark and I was alone. I saw a shadow, when he spoke my name I immediately knew it was him. We fough in the dark alley. We fought till we were both wounded, sweating, bleeding, and tired. He told me he wasn't going to hurt anyone if I stopped fighting. I did.

We went to my house, I packed clothes and left a letter. The letter said that I was leaving to start all over again, 'I love you all. Please don't look for me. Be happy because I'll be. It's time for a change. Love you.' Jonathan had read it looking for any clue I could give them, but there was none. We had cleared the house from fingerprints and left. Maybe they do believe the letter is true. I had talked to mom about leaving somewhere far to start all over again twice. They probably think I left by my will.

I'm still fighting, in silence. I fight my feelings for him. I fake disgust and hate. I guess I'm a great actress because he thinks I hate him.

I do my best to get in his nerves. If I make him angry he acts like a complete ass. I push him to treat me bad, maybe that way I'll hate him. Two days ago he kissed me. I punched him in the jaw and called the kiss disgusting, I made him mad, he slapped me and left, no dinner that night.

I have no idea were we are. All I know is that I'm in a basement. He brings me food everyday, if I'm good. I haven't taken a shower in three days. I was good in the morning, maybe I can convince him of a shower.

* * *

The door opened and Jonathan walked in. He was holding a plate with three cheese pizza slices and a small bag of baby carrots. I smiled in the inside, cheese pizza. He remembered I'm vegetarian. _Shut up Clary_! He provably just likes cheese pizza. I shook my head sending the stupid thoughts away.

"What?" He asked and crooked his eyebrows.

"Nothing," I said too fast. He chuckled.

"You were staring," he handed me the plate and sat next to me.

"I wasn't."

"Yea, sure."He lay down in his back, his hands behind his head. I rolled my eyes at him. I bit down the pizza. God this is good. Jonathan was watching me, well, he always does.

"Have you eaten yet?" I asked.

"No."

"Can you eat with me? I mean you're just sitting there watching me." I said looking down at my food, not wanting to make eye contact. "You can eat one of my pizza slices if you don't want to go back up, I only eat two anyways." I said so he wouldn't think I wanted hem to leave to the kitchen so I could try to escape or something, I had tried once. He didn't like it. He sat up and lifted my chin, forcing me to eye contact with his onyx eyes.

"I like to watch you," he whispered in my ear, I shivered. He took a pizza slice from the plate took a bite.

"Where are we?" I asked.

"The basement, isn't obvious?"

"You know what I mean."

"You think I'm gonna tell you, sister."

"Why not? I mean is not like I can go tell everyone!"

"Clarissa. Eat." He was getting mad.

"Don't call me that."

"Why not? It's your name."

"I get called 'Clarissa' when I'm in trouble."

"You will be if you keep asking questions." We ate our pizza in silence. I opened the bag of carrots and popped one in my mouth.

"Do you want carrots?" I asked

"No." I looked down at the bag and keep eating.

I was thinking of how to ask for the shower. The basement's restroom only has the toilet and sink. The time I too a shower he took me out of the basement to a bathroom in the hall. I took the last carrot in my lips and I was pushed back in the bed, my breath hitched. Jonathan's hands were on my hips, he was on top of me. He took the carrot from my lips with his teeth and ate it.

" I changed my mind." He smirked. His lips brushed mine as he spoke. What is he kisses me? I don't want to push him again. Yes I do. No. Yes. No, if i do there's no shower. But I don't want him to think I like it or that I gave up. He has to believe I hate him. He can't know, it's my secret. But if I push him away he will get mad. If he's mad he will me an ass to me, maybe hit me if I punch him. If he does it will help my plan. I have to hate him. My feelings are wrong, he's my brother. "Clary, breath," Jonathan was looking at me with his onyx eyes. He got off me. I let out a long breath.

Thank that angel he didn't kiss me, if he had, my body would had split apart. A half would have let him kiss me and the other would have stick to the plan and push him away. He took my plate with the pizza's crust. He walked towards the door.

"Jonathan,"he paused. "Can... can I take a shower?" I looked down at my hands.

"I guess you deserve one. You have been good I will go leave the plate and be back for you." I nodded. He opened the door and closed it. I heard the click of the automatic lock and the key too. I waited for him. Minutes later the door opened.

"Let's go," Jonathan held the door for me. I walked past him. He took my hand and guided me to the bathroom. I blushed a little.

He opened the bathroom's door. He walked in after me. I waited for him to leave but he didn't move. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall.

"Aren't you gonna leave?" I asked. He laughed.

"No."

"What?!"

"Come on! The last time I stayed too."

"But you were outside."

"The door wasn't closed all the way."

"But you where OUTSIDE!"

"I feel like saying today." There is no way of arguing.

"Fine," I said. I turned on the water. "Turn around." I said. He smirked at me.

"Why?" He asked 'innocently'.

"Why?! Because I'm not gonna undress in front of you!" He smirked again. He walked towards me.

"And why not, little sister?" He whispered in my ear, I shivered. "I can help you undress." I wasn't breathing. I wasn't moving. I wasn't talking. I was standing, frozen in place. "Okay, fine. I will turn around. Just because you look like you're about to have a heart attack." He turned around. He walked away, facing the wall. I undressed as fast as I could and hopped in the shower. I closed the shower's door and curtain.

The water was warm. I relaxed and closed my eyes. Then I remembered Jonathan. I poured some body wash and rubbed my body. When I was done I squeezed some shampoo in my hand and washed my hair. Minutes later in was clean and done. Now what the fuck am I gonna get out. I turned off the water. I opened the shower's door, just enough to stick my hand out.

"J–Jonathan, c–can you..." he handed me the robe. I tied the robe in my waist. The robe was a of a thin material, it had long sleeves, but it was short, it went down till mid thigh. I opened the door and got out.

Jonathan pulled me by the waist and I yelped in surprise. Jonathan chuckled, he was holding a towel. He began to dry my hair with it. He dried my hair gently. Feels so good. He removed the towel from my head. He lifted my by the waist and sat me in the sink. He started brushing my hair with the hairbrush. He brushed my hair gently as if my hair was gold that needed to be taken care of.

"You smell so good," he whispered in my ear, he was breathing in my neck. "I should have showered with you so could rub body wash all over you." His lips bushed my neck as he spoke. He was ruining his hands up and down my thighs. He kissed, nipped, and sucked my neck. Feels so good. I was biting my lip to stop the moans.

"Jonathan, stop." He didn't listen. He kept sucking my throat. Angel if he doesn't stop I don't think I'll be able to stop the moans. He grabbed me by my inside thighs and pulled me closer to his body. I was biting my lip too hard, I tasted blood. He kept sucking my throat and running his through my thighs. His touch was burning me with desire."Sto–op," I moaned. Damn it! He squeezed my thighs and sucked harder at my throat. I moaned, he smirked against my throat. He picked me up, I automatically wrapped my legs around him. He walked to the bedroom and closed the door behind us. The lock clicked and he set me down in bed.

He was on top of me. He kissed from my neck to my jaw. He was pressing against me. I could feel him growing with ever moan, every kiss, every touch. He pulled his shirt off_. Angle, he's beautiful_. I stared in awe at his muscles. I wanted to run my hands through his abs. He parted my legs a little, he pressed harder against me, I moaned. Feels so good. I could feel his erection through the robe and his sweatpants.

Jonathan claimed my lips. He kissed me fiercely. He lifted my thighs pressing me even yards to him, we both moaned. He sucked my bottom lip and moved his hips. The friction made us moan. He moved his hips in a circular motion. I was moaning and digging my nails in his shoulders.

He began to untie my robe. Thoughts raced through my head. _No! I can't want this!_ But I do. I have to hate him. I have to stick to the plan. I pushed Jonathan off me. He was busy in his ministrations, I caught him off ward and he fell off the bed.

"What the hell," he shouted. I retied the robe.

"Get out!" I yelled. I was containing the tears. I will not let him see me cry!

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" he shouted. "You were enjoying it I know it!"

"No I wasn't," I lied. "I DON'T WANT YOU!"

"YES YOU DO!" He clenched his jaw. "You will love me, Clary. You will love me one day and soon." He stormed out the room and slammed the door.

"One day I will _not_ love you," I whispered. I buried my face in the pillow. The room was quiet except for my sobs.

_Why him? Why? Why couldn't it be someone else? _

I rolled of the bed. I walked to the small restroom. My eyes were red from crying. I washed my face and walked to the small closet. I pulled some black underwear, black pyjama shorts, and a white v-neck. I curled up in the now cold bed. The bed feels warm when he's here. I closed my eyes and hoped for fast sleep.

**Hope you like it!**

**Please tell me what you think. Review. If you have read my other stories you should know I love reviews. If you didn't knew now you do so review. I did not check for spelling errors, sorry.**

** Please tell me if is good its my first for this pairing.**

** Love you all!**

**-Karimebane.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello my lovely readers! Thank you for reviewing! Thank you all for those amazing reviews.**

**I don't own the lyrics to the song When the darkness comes by Colbie Caillat.**

**I do not own TMI, Cassandra Clare does.**

**Chapter 2**

**CPOV**

I was lying down in bed. Jonathan hadn't brought me breakfast this morning or dinner last night. I haven't seen him since yesterday, after he stomped out the room. I had to say no. I had to make him stop. Even if I wanted it so much. I didn't get much sleep last night, probably two hours.

I wasn't even hungry and it was two thirty already. I don't really care about the food right now. I want to see him. I want to know how mad is him. Every time I close my eyes I feel the way he touched me. The way he kissed me. It felt so right. I don't know how something that feels to right can be wrong.

I felt the tears making their way down my cheeks. I let out a sob and buried my face in the pillow. I yelled from the top of my lungs. Jonathan can't hear me anyways because I have my face buried in the pillow and, well, I'm in the basement. My sobs became louder, my cheeks and pillow were wet.

I hate my life. Why does everything has to be so difficult. First I fell in love with an idiot. Then we suffered because we though we were siblings. We went through hell. We were happy to find out we weren't siblings and Valentine was lying. But then Lilith and Jonathan got in the way. After all that we were together but the happiness just lasted three months. Then I started to have feelings for Jonathan. My feeling for him kept getting stronger. Now that I'm with him just makes it harder because we can't. We can't be together is not right, even if it feels right, is not.

I calmed myself a little. I walked to the restroom. I washed my face. It was obvious I had been crying. My eyes were red and puffy. I walked out the restroom. As I walked I started feeling dizzy. My vision became blurry.

"Jonathan," my voice just came out as a whisper. "Jonathan," I tried again. "Jonathan,"a whisper again. I hit the floor, hard. My head was in pain, and the darkness consumed me.

I woke up at the smell of something strong. My eyelids felt heavy. A hand caressed my cheek. The hand felt good, it was soft and smooth. The hand was replaced by someone's lips. The lips left butterfly kisses in both of my cheeks. I tried to sit up, I groaned, my head hurts. I was gently pushed back.

"Don't move," came a concerned voice. I forced my eyelids open. I blinked adjusting my eyes to the light. Jonathan threw a cotton ball at the floor.

"Why is it too light?" Jonathan chuckled, he turned off the lights. "What happened?" I asked.

"I was hoping you could tell me. I just came down to give you some food and I found you in the floor, unconscious."

"I don't know. I was walking out the restroom then I felt dizzy and my vision was blurry. I passed out."

"Eat," he placed a plate in my lap. It was a sandwich and apple slices. I looked at the clock, four thirty five.

"At what time did you came down here?" I asked.

"At four, why?"

"I must have been out for thirty or forty minutes."

"That's too much. How do you feel?"

"I'm fine. Just a headache."

"Any idea of why you fainted?" He asked, his eyes full of concern.

" I don't know. Maybe is 'cause I didn't sleep last night, I didn't sleep much last night."

"You need to eat," he said, I nodded and bit down the sandwich. He was wearing his gear, I noticed. I'll ask later. "I think a shower will do you well. When you are done eating you can take a shower and go to sleep." I just nodded.

I ate my sandwich quietly. I stole glaces at Jonathan. He was lying on his back, his hands behind his head, and crossed feet, I think he likes that pose. I smiled. I bit a apple slice, I love apples. I watched as Jonathan closed his eyes._ He's so beautiful._

I was eating the apple slices and watching him in awe.

"There's juice in the nightstand," Jonathan said, his eyes still closed. I grabbed the glass and took a sip. Yay apple juice! I took another sip, I placed the glass in the nightstand and took another apple slice in my mouth. I watched Jonathan, carefully. He licked his lips. _Angle, I wish I could do that._ I bit my lip, I took an apple slice and leaned over to Jonathan.

I traced his bottom lip with the apple slice. He opened his eyes and grabbed my wrist. He took the apple slice in his mouth and chewed. He kissed my hand, gently. He tucked locks of red hair behind my ear. He popped himself up on his elbows and kissed my cheek. I blushed and sat back. How can I be so stupid?

"I be right back," he picked up the empty glass and plate and walked out the room. As soon as I heard the click I threw myself back in bed. Why did I do that? He can't know about my feelings. He has to think I hate him._ But it so hard!_ How can I make him think I hate him when my feelings for him are exactly the opposite. Maybe I should stop pretending, I should stop acting. I should just give up. I'm not leaving this place anyways. Why make my life hell when it can be haven?

I should just let my feelings be free instead of trying to block them. I should just do as my heart and body ask. I should return the kisses and touches. I closed my eyes. My head took me back to last night. The way his touch and kisses felt. This made me think. What if hey just give wants my body? He probably just wants to make me his. _My be he just wants me 'cause is wrong._

" I'm so stupid," I told myself. I was pulled from the back if my knees. I yelped, I opened my eyes, Jonathan was grinning. He lifted me up, I automatically wrapped my arms around his waist and my arms around his neck, his hands were gripping my thighs.

"Don't call yourself that," he said.

"What are you doing?"

"I don't trust you to walk, you might faint again'" he grinned. I rolled my eyes. He carried me to the bathroom. He sat me in the sink. He turned on the water. "What me to help you undress too?" He asked with a smirk.

"No! Ah, could you please leave so I can shower?" I asked nicely.

"Ah, for a moment I thought I might as well shower with you," he played with my red curls." I will step out so you can get in the shower... but, I will get back in," he gave me a sweet smile and kissed my forehead and he was out the bathroom. Sighed and undressed quickly. I hopped in the shower, closed the door and curtain. The water was warm, I immediately relaxed. "Can I get in now?" Jonathan asked.

"Yes," I said. I heard the door open and Jonathan's footsteps. I poured shower gel in my hand and washed my body. "So... are you gonna invite me in the shower, sister?" My eyes went wide.

"No!" I cried. I quickly finished washing my body. I squeezed some shampoo in my hand and quickly washed my hair. I heard him chuckle.

When I was done I moved the curtain a little and peeked out. I whipped the glass door with my hand to see. Jonathan was leaning against the wall, eyes closed. I too a a deep breath and opened the door, enough to stick my hand out. I try to reach the bathrobe but couldn't.

"J–Jonathan, can you give me the bathrobe, please?" I asked, just like yesterday. I hope it doesn't ends up like yesterday too.

"Sure thing, sister." He grabbed the robe and handed it to me. T took it and quick covered myself. When I was covered enough I pushed the door open. "Want me to brush your hair again?" He asks innocently. _Ha! He's anything but innocent._

"No thanks," I said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure." He opened the door and grabbed my hand. I blushed and stared at the floor as we walked to back to the basement. CLARY STOP BLUSHING! He's just walking you to the basement. The basement! To lock you there again, alone. We walked in the basement.

"I'll be back," Jonathan said and closed the door, and it locked automatically. I sighed and walked to the closet. I quickly changed and brushed my hair. I lay down in bed and pulled the comforter over me. I was cold because my hair was wet.

**20 minutes later**

I rolled over to my side, trying to sleep. Jonathan hasn't come back. I'm tire but I can't sleep. My hair was a mess from rolling in bed. Why is it so cold? I hate this basement. It's so cold. I sat up and brushed my hair with my hands. I calmed my wild red locks and lay down again. I pulled up the comforter and closed my eyes waiting for sleep to take me. I yelped as someone jumped in bed and landed with their knees at both of my sides. I shoved him off me.

"You idiot!" I sat up and threw a pillow at him, he just chuckled. He was lying next to me with a smirk in that gorgeous face of his.

"I love you too," he kissed my cheek and I melted. I'm almost sure my heart stopped at his words. He said 'I love you'. Does he really loves me? _OF COURSE NOT! he doesn't love you!_ I took a look at him. He was now wearing a black v-neck, and sweatpants. "I thought you were gonna sleep."

"I can't."

"Come here," he opened his arms for me. I hesitated, I moved a little bit closer to him. Not enough to touch him, he rolled his eyes. "I don't bite..." he pulled me to his chest. "... actually I do," he smirked. I rolled my eyes at him, he grinned and kissed my forehead.

When he kisses me like that, gently and caring it makes me think that he does loves me. I closed my eyes. I wasn't cold anymore, I was warm. Evil should be cold but Jonathan is so warm. I wish he would stay with me every night and warm me up. Not in _that_ way. I wish I could sleep with him at my side. I even feel safe. It doesn't make sense because it's him who can hurt me.

I opened my eyes. He was looking at me with his onyx eyes. He tucked red curls that were falling in my face behind my ear. He wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my neck. I could never have thought that Jonathan could be cute. It feels so comfortable to be like this. I feel so warm. Safe. I could stay like this forever. STOP! Why can't I stop? Why can't I hate I'm? Why him? Why do I have this feelings for him. _Because my heart betrayed me._

"You smell so good," he moaned. He did too. He smells good, but there's no way I'm telling him. He started toying with my hair. It was making me sleepy. Jonathan kissed my cheek. "Sleep," he whispered in my neck making me shiver. I closed my eyes but I remembered something and opened my eyes.

"Jonathan," I whispered.

"Mhm," was his response.

"You were wearing your shadowhunter gear earlier," my voice was low, I was falling asleep. "Did you went out?"

"Yes I did."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't want to stay here after yesterday so I went out after I left the room. I came back grabbed some food for you and found you in the floor." What? He had been out all night. I pushed him away from me.

"You left ALL night? Why? You can't just leave like that!" While I cry all night he just leaves.

"Yes I did. And yes I can. Why do you think Clary? I was mad, you know why. If you're worried I hurt any of your love ones, I didn't." He sounded mad. That didn't even crossed my head.

"That's not what... ugh! I know you didn't hurt them. But you can't leave like that!" I was looking at him in the eye. My eyelids were heavy but I kept my eyes open. "You can't just leave me alone like that!"

"And why not?! You didn't want me here if I recall."

"What if something happens to you?! What am I gonna do?"

"I don't know, maybe you will find your way out. Don't worry I don't think you will age and die," he said coldly._ He's missing the point! What am I gonna do if I lose him?!_

"You. Are. An. Idiot!" I felt tears escaping my eyes. Jonathan's face softened. He brushed my cheek with his hand, it probably got wet. I sob escaped my lips. I moved away from him.

"Clary..." he was confused. I don't blame him. He thinks I hate him. I can't stop myself from crying from the thought of losing him. "Clary... come here," he pulled me in a hug. I buried my face in his neck. "Nothing is going to happen to me." He kissed my forehead. After minutes of Jonathan murmuring things to me I calmed down ad stopped crying. "Now sleep." I closed my eyes. Before I drifted to sleep I felt soft lips pressed against mines. Jonathan gave me a quick and gentle kiss.

* * *

**2 hours later...**

**JPOV**

I opened my eyes. I groaned, i must have fallen asleep from watching Clary. I watched Clary sleep peacefully. She looks like the angel she is. She's so beautiful. And she will be mine because we are meant to be together. I'm still confused about what happened before. Why did she cry? Why would she cry for me? She was crying because she was scare something could happen to me. She couldn't have been faking, it was real. She was really crying. _Could she be finally falling for me? Does she really cares about me?_

"Do you?" I whispered looking at her. I kissed her forehead. I have never care for any girl. It has always been Clary. I only want her. Clary is mine. She has even change me. I have never thought of a girl as cute, pretty, beautiful, or adorable before her. I tried to forget about her. It didn't work. When I was with other girls I always wished it was Clary. I care for her, I don't want her to get hurt. Clary is special.

Every time I see her I want to kiss the life out of her. I want he to stat close. I want to be with her all the time. Soon, that will be possible. If she is a good girl doesn't try to escape and behaves I'll give her a room. Or she could just sleep with me.

They say demons can't love. They have told me that I can't love but I do _love_ her.

I kissed her cheeks and forehead. I placed kisses everywhere her face. I pecked her lips and went back to placing kisses all over her face. Clary groaned, she buried her face in my chest and pulled the comforter over her head, covering half of mine in the way. I chuckled at her cuteness. I pulled the comforter off her face and kissed her forehead. She groaned and buried her head in my chest, again.

"You are so cute,_" fuck! Did I said that at loud?_ Maybe she didn't heard me, I relaxed.

"Says the one who woke me up kissing me!" Fuck she heard me.

"Whatever," I said nonchalantly. Clary giggled.

Wait. What? She giggled. For the first time. This is a good sign.

"Do you feel better?" I asked. I was tracing circles in her back.

"Mhm," her face still buried in my chest.

"Are you sure?" She looked up from my chest.

"Yes."

"You look beautiful," I said caressing her cheek. She blushed and turned away. "You are so beautiful." I popped my self up in my elbow to see her blush. I sat up and looked at her. I crawled on top of her. She tried to push me but I pinned her waists down. Her breathing quickened.

I kissed her cheek, and then the corner of her mouth. I pulled away and stared at her pink lips. Her heart was beating faster as my lips moved closer and closer to hers. My lips brushed hers, I was about to kiss her but she turned her head away. I gritted my teeth and sighed. I rolled off and sat up. I ran a hand through my hair, and looked at Clary. She was chewing her bottom lip.

"Why? Why do you push me away, Clary?"

"Because I don't want you to kiss me," he said sitting up... and ouch that kinda hurt.

"Yes you do."

"No. I. Don't."

"And why not?"'

"Could it be the fact that you are my BROTHER?!"

"That doesn't matters," I said raising my voice. "We BELONG TO EACH OTHER! YOU BELONG TO ME AND I BELONG TO YOU!" I shouted.

"It matters! WE SHARE THE SAME BLOOD!" She shouted back. I laughed bitterly.

"Are you sure, angel. I have demon blood while you have angel blood." I was now standing up looking at her. "We didn't grew up together."

"You are still my brother!"

"I don't care!" I yelled.

"Ugh!" She yelled clearly flustered. "GET OUT!"

"Excuse me?"

"JUST... JUST GET OUT!" I gritted my teeth and walked out the room, slamming the door behind me.

I need a drink.

**CPOV**

I buried my face in the pillow and yelled from the top of my lungs. I rolled over and stared at the ceiling, tears rolling down my cheeks. I was so mad at myself for turning my head. I shouldn't have turned my head. I wanted him to kiss me so bad but it would have ruined everything. He has to believe that I don't like him. He has to believe I don't have any feelings for him but hate and disgust.

He has to believe I don't love him.

He makes it harder. It's harder to fake hate and disgust when he's being nice, caring, cute... He was being adorable for the angel's sake! Turning my head, rejecting the kiss was the hardest thing to do. I wanted to feel his lips on mines. I want to feel his lips in my body. I want to kiss him to hug him, to wake up next to him. But I shouldn't want that. Why is my life so damn hard?! I love him. I love my brother.

I could use some training right now. I train better when I'm mad or frustrated. I really need to get everything out. A punching bag would be great right now. Or I could kiss Jonathan until I get everything out._ No! Ugh shut up!_

Everything could be easier if I stop faking. If i just let my feelings out things would be easier. Maybe Jonathan and I could be happy. I mean I'm gonna be stuck her forever why not try to be happy. I have two options; one is to keep faking and get hurt, the other is to stop faking and try to be happy.

Of course the second option is better nut the problem is that he's my bother. I can't be in love with Jonathan, but I am. _I'm in love with my brother._ My evil brother.

"I love you, Jonathan," I whispered.

**45 minutes later...**

I was still lying in bed, looking up at the ceiling. I was still having a battle in my head about my decision. It's so hard to decide. I know how the people I love would react if they knew I'm in love with Jonathan. They would be disgusted, they'll hate me. But is not like I choose to love him. It just happened, is not like I wanted to fall in love with my brother.

Anyways, is not like they'll ever know. I will never see them again. They will never know.

I'm worried about Jonathan. He hasn't come back. Its probably because he's angry, but I'm still worried. I don't want him to go out. Is not because I fear he will kill someone. Its because I fear he will get in a fight with some demon and get hurt. I know he's strong, but I'm still scare something could happen to him.

I was pulled out of my thought by a noise not far away. Its like something fell. The noise was followed by curses. Why is Jonathan cursing? I heard a 'thund' sound and Jonathan cursing... the wall? Why is he cursing the wall? I heard the door clicking. The door opened and Jonathan walked in. He closed the door behind him. And walked towards the bed. He wasn't walking straight, he was barely standing. He was holding a juice bottle and twinkies. The juice fell in the floor. He leaned down to pick it up. He hit his head and fell back, cursing.

I ran towards him. I kneeled down next to him and looked at him. He smiled lazily at me. He caressed my cheek.

"Jonathan, are you drunk?"

"Mmmmm..."

"You are drunk aren't you," I said helping him up. I lay him in the bed and sat next to him.

"Aree– yOu huNgggry?" He asked and pushed the twinkies and the orange juice towards me.

"Thanks," I said.

I ate the tweinkies and drank the orange juice while listening to Jonathan saying things that made no sense at all.

"How much did you drink?" I asked. "The only thing left that you haven't done is sing."

"OoOoh buuut I can!"

"Really?" I asked. Jonathan singing?

"Underneath the echoooes

Buried in the shaaadows

Theeere you wereee

DraaAawn into your mysteery

I waaaaas just beginning

To see your ghoOost

But yoou must knoooooow

I'll beeee here waaaiting"

I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt. I was crying of laugher.

"Hey! I doon't siing tha bad!" He pouted. "Stoop lauughing!" He whined. _By the angel he looks adorable._

"Sure you don't," I laughed.

"Whay don't yoo loveee me?" He asked, caressing my cheek and looking at me. Angel, what do I do now? _How can I lie to him when he is looking at me like that and when he looks so cute?_

"I–I I don't know," he looked hurt at my words, and I'm hurting too. "You should go to sleep." He tried to sat up but fell back ahain.

"Why?! I–I haave done so many thingsss for yoo. I changed. FOOR YOU! I—" he sounded so broken. "I–I changed. I left all my plans. Juust for you!" He traced my lips with his thumb. "I haaveen't killed or hurt aaaany shadowhunter for so long. I drooopped everything fooor you!"

_For me?_ He dropped everything for me? I know he didn't attacked anyone since the last two years. There was no report from the Clave about him. He hadn't hurt anyone, for me.

"Jonathan, just go to sleep, please." I wiped away the tears that had begin to fall.

"Sleep with me?" _How can I say no to that face?_ I lay down next to him. He wrapped his arms around me and buried his nose in my hair. I pulled the comforter over us and rested my hair in his chest. A few tears slipped down my cheeks and made it to his chest. After some minutes Jonathan's breathing was even. I looked up.

"Jonathan?" I whispered. "Jonathan..." he's asleep. "I love you," I whispered. I kissed him in the lips. I pulled back and rested my head in his chest.

**So how was it? Did you guys like it? Leave a review and let me know. **

**So as you can see Clary is trying to make a choice. She feels kind of disgusted by her own feelings but she can't do anything to Change them.**

**So what should she do? Keep her plan going and be unhappy or give up and be happy with Jonathan.**

**Review please.**

**Love you all!**

**–Karimebane.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello darlings! I'm sorry for not updating but I went on vacations to Mexico. My uncle is really sick. I don't get time to write, I have been doing my best to write bits by bits when I can, plus I have other four fics in here and one in wattpad. Also because of the vacations I got off track. I'm sorry for the long wait.**

**It's 2:48 am now.**

**I hope it's worth it.**

**What did you think a boy CoHF? **

**I LOVED THE REVIEWS! I love you guys!**

**I do not own TMI, Cassandra Clare does.**

**Chapter 3**

**CPOV**

I was looking at Jonathan. He was sleeping peacefully. I had waken twenty minutes ago. I brushed my teeth and came back to lie down with him. He looked beautiful. His lips are really kissable. I want to kiss him so bad. I leaned and brushed my lips to his. I kissed him gently and pulled away.

I sighed and sat up. I pushed my hair away from my face. It's eleven with two minutes. I'm hungry and I bet Jonathan will be too and have a hell of a hang over. I stood up and walked to the door. It's open! The door is open! I guess Jonathan isn't careful when he's drunk. I tip toed out of the room, or basement, same thing. I walked down the hall which lead to the stairs. I walked upstairs and walked down to the kitchen. Maybe I can make pancakes.

I was almost done with he pancakes. I made some coffee too. I found some pills that will do good to Jonathan. I grabbed some fruit and washed it. I started to cut it into cubes.

"CLARY!" I jumped as I heard Jonathan yell my name, that caused me to cut myself. "CLARISSA!" he yelled again.

"I'm right here goddamnit!" I shouted. I grabbed some napkins to clean the blood coming from the cut. The cut wasn't too big but I was bleeding a lot. It hurt a bit but I paid no attention to it.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? HOW DID YOU GOT OUT?!" Jonathan yelled as he walked to the kitchen. Then he looked at the food and stared at me. "I–I thought you had left..." he said. Leaving... that didn't even cross my mind. Maybe I could had escapeed but– I didn't even thought about it.

"Well, I didn't." I said in a harsh tone. Then he noticed my hand. The napkin was red from the blood.

"What happened to your hand," he said as he looked at it. His hands were warm. I pulled my hand away.

"You. Yelling."

"I'm sorry, I just– I thought you had left me..."

"Well, I didn't. Thanks for the trust."

"I'm sorry–"

"It's fine," I said. He pulled out his stele and drew an _Iratze_. "Thanks."

He sat down and ran his hand through his hair. I was he the blood and stood there awkwardly.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here. I was hungry and I thought you'll be too. And you were going to be hang over so–"

"It's fine Clary. I just... I thought you were gone and I–I..." my heart was hurting.

"I'm right here. I'm not leaving."_ Because I love you._ "I made pancakes, and coffee. I found this pills if your head hurts..."

"Thank you," he swallowed the pills with water.

"I'm gonna eat in the basement..."

"NO! Y–You can eat here."

I sat down next to him. We began to eat in an awkward silence. I wanted to make a conversation but I didn't know what to say.

"Did I bother you too much yesterday?" He asked breaking the silence. "I don't remember..." I laughed. He raised an eyebrow at me.

"You sang When the darkness comes," I said remembering last night. "When I laughed at your singing you pouted!" In told him. "You looked so cute!" My eyes widen. By the angle I said it out loud.

"Cute?" He asked with a teasing smile.

"Shut up!"

"What else did I do?" He asked.

"You said things that did not make sense at all. And other stuff..." I said.

"What stuff?" He asked.

"Nothing," I said not wanting to tell him. But I remember everything he said.

I was back to the basement. Jonathan went out to buy the groceries. I was training. But it's hard when you don't have a weapon, and you're alone in a room with no training tools, so I decided to just lay down. And let me tell you it's boring!

"I'm back!" Jonathan announced as he entered the room.

"Finally!"

"Missed much?" He asked with a teasing smile.

"Ha. Ha. No. It's boring in here," I explained.

"I brought you something," he said and placed two paper bags in the bed. I took then things out. It was a new sketch book, drawing pencils, regular pencils, and a box of color pencils.

"Thank you!" I said and wrapped my arms around him in a hug. Jonathan was shocked but he hugged me back. I pulled away, my cheeks stained red.

"It has your name," Jonathan said.

"What? I said confused. He lifted the sketchbook.

"Look," he said pointing at the bottom. Clary, was written at the bottom and a blade next to it.

"Thank you. It's so beautiful." I said in awe.

"Anything for you."

We were both lying in bed. Jonathan was reading a book. I was drawing. I was drawing him. I was just finishing it. Once I was done I closed the sketchbook and put it in the nightstand with the pencils.

"Can I see it? What did you drew?" Jonathan asked, looking up from his book.

"No!" He can not see it!

"Why not?" He asked.

"Because it's personal. My sketchbook it's personal."

"But I bought it for you." He pouted. He looks so damn cute! Should I let him see– No! Don't fall for it!

"Yea for ME!"

"Fine then."

"Well fine."

"You're so Ungrateful," he said shaking his head. I gasped and put my hands in my chest. "And dramatic."

"Why, thank you. I try."

He pursed his lips, he was trying to think of a come back. He closed his book and placed it in the others nightstand. There were two, one at each side of the bed.

"And here I was thinking on letting you out the basement for today," he said. My eyes widen.

"Really?!" I asked excitedly.

"I said "was thinking" but not now," he made quotation marks with his fingers.

"Why not?!"

"Well you're no being nice are you?"

"Please! Pretty please! I will do anything," wrong words.

"Really? Anything."

"I'll be nice." I said looking at my hands. Who knew my hands were so interesting.

"How about a kiss?"

"How about no."

"Then how about I leave and you stay here. Alone. Bored. And alone."

"But–"

"Bye," he stood up, grabbed his book and walker to the door. I don't want to stay alone. I stood up and pulled him down by his neck. I kissed him on the cheek.

"Nice try," he smiled. " but I didn't mean on the cheek." He pressed me to the wall making me yelp. His lips were attached to mines before I could protest. He pulled away but his face was till too close. I tried to push him but he pined my wrists to the wall. **(Like the picture of the cover)**

"Was that enough?" I gulped.

"No," and his lips were moving against mine once again. He let go of my wrists and lifted me by my thighs. He let go, I had to warp my legs around his torso to keep from falling. I know he did it on purpose, I can feel his smirk. His hands began wandering through my stomach. His hands travel everywhere my body. I suddenly noticed I was kissing back. I have no idea when this happened. I stopped kissing him. He pulled away groaning.

I just stood there thinking. I'm losing control. I kissed him back without even realizing. How long will I be able to hide my feelings from him? I noticed Jonathan was holding the door open.

"... coming?"

"Huh?"

"I said are you coming?"

"Oh,erm, right." I walked out the basement and followed him upstairs. We entered the kitchen. He opened the fridge.

"Water?" He asked. I nodded. He took out two water bottles, one for me and one for him.

**JPOV**

I showed Clary around the house. All the time I was smiling. She kissed me back. She pulled back but I think she was shocked by her own actions because she stood frozen there for a minute.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" I asked her as we went to the living room.

"Sure," she said. "What movies do you have?" She asked.

"I bought some today, there new," I said handing her the movies. She looked at them and read the names out loud.

"Up. Avatar. New moon–"

"Oh," I interrupted her. "I bought another too. It's before that one." I said looking for it. "The girl said they're good movies. She said to watch– here!– this one first, Twilight." Clary was looking at me."What?!"

"What girl?" She asked.

"The one in the store. She helped me with the movies because I had no idea what to buy."

"Mhm."

"What? Are you jealous?" I smirked. She rolled here eyes and continued reading the titles.

"Transformers, revenge of the fallen. The hangover. Ice age, dawn of the dinosaurs. The final destination. The haunting in connecticut. The collector..."

"While you chose I'll make popcorn," I said. She nodded and looked down at the movies again.

I went to the kitchen and opened the cabinets, I grabbed the popcorn and put them in the microwave. I opened the fridge and grabbed two cokes. I took a bowl from the cabinets and waited for the popcorn.

When there were ready I opened the bag and emptied in the bowl. I threw the bag at the trashcan and walked out to the living room with the cokes and bowl of popcorn. Clary was now laying on the loveseat were she had been sitting. She had already put the movie on but it was on pause.

"Scoot over," I told her. She pouted and sat up.

"You looks cute when you're pouting," I told her and kissed her cheek, she blushed.

"What are we watching?" I asked her as I sat next to her.

"Up." She said and pressed play.

Clary cried. She cried during the movie. I have to admit it was sad amt the beginning. But I did not cried. Clary's eyes were red. We were now both lying on the loveseat while the credits showed. I kissed her forehead, she looked up at me and sniffed.

"That was sad." She said.

"You want to see another?" I asked her. She nodded and handed me twilight. She sat up so I could stand up. I placed the disc on the DVR. I went back to her and we lay in the same position we were before. I wrapped my arms around her.

We ended up watching both movies. Nether of us liked them but we still watched them.

"Vampires don't sparkle!" Clary said.

"Pretty stupid movies." I said. **(Don't feel offended if you like then, I do too)**

"Why did Bella went back to Edward? Jacob is way better! He's hot!"

"I'm way better than Jacob."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," she said. I glared at her. She burst out laughing.

"Your face was..." she couldn't finish her sentence because she was laughing harder. I flipped us over so that I was on top of her but she kept laughing. To silence her I pressed my lips to hers. She froze underneath me.

"Shall we go make lunch?" I asked. She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again. I pecked her lips before leaving to the kitchen. After a minute I noticed she was still in the same place I left her. "Clary! Aren't you going to help me?"

"O–oh, right, yea, I–I'm g–going."

I chuckled.

* * *

After we had lunch we watched another movie. Avatar, I think. Then we sat in the living room, Clary drawing the angel knows what, and I reading. The day went by fast. It was already night time. Clary was now in the shower, I was sitting in the hall, leaning against the door.

"Are you sure I can't join you?" I asked for the third time.

"NO!" She yelled. It's funny teasing the redhead, really.

"Are you sure? I mean you don't have too see me, you can turn the other side. But if you do want to see, because let's face it you do–"

"JONATHAN! SHUT UP!" I couldn't hear the water anymore.

"Okay, fine. Maybe next time."

"UGH!" I just chuckled.

After five minutes she came out wearing pyjama shorts and a white T-shirt. She murmured something that I didn't catch but I'm pretty sure she cursed me. I just smiled innocently at her. She walked to the basement.

"I'm going to take a shower now, behave."

**CPOV**

He closed the door and left. I grabbed my sketchbook and began to draw Jonathan. I'm a little annoyed at him. I can't take a relaxed bath because of him. I already have two drawings of him, but I want to do one on color. I began drawing the countor lines.

I closed my sketchbook, satisfied with my work. I placed the sketchbook and the colour pencils in the nightstand. I pulled the comforter over me and closed my eyes. I opened them as I heard Jonathan walk in. He lay next to me.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"I'm going to sleep here," he kissed my cheek and covered himself with the comforter. I blinked. Oh, well. I closed my eyes.

"Goodnight," I whispered.

"Goodnight, Clary." He pulled me into his arms and we drifted into sleep.

**I hope you guys like it!**

**[No spell checked]**

**Please let me know what you think in the review!**

**I love you guys!xx**

** -Karimebane**


End file.
